Selfies and Self-Control

Let’s discuss something bluntly.  You probably know about this summer’s “celebrity hacking” scandal:  naked selfies of several famous actresses were stolen from their online accounts, and these images spread quickly across the internet.

This is a massive ethical and moral problem on many different levels.  We could point fingers at many people:  the thieves who stole these private photographs, the young women who took these selfies, the many strangers who viewed these pictures for their own pleasure.  For quite a while, I have been bothered by this entire situation.  But today I gained some clarity on the issue.

I subscribe to a news magazine called The Week.  In its current issue, this magazine quotes a Vanity Fair interview with Jennifer Lawrence, the 24-year-old actress most famous for playing the role of Katniss Everdeen in the “Hunger Games” movies.  Jennifer is one of the victims of the aforementioned hacking scandal.

Let’s put aside Jennifer’s claim that the theft of her pictures is a “sex crime.”  Let’s put aside questions of whether or not she “deserved” this unwelcome attention.  I want to focus on one extremely illuminating detail from her interview with Vanity Fair.  Jennifer explains why she sent naked selfies to her boyfriend by saying this:

“I was in a loving relationship.  It was long-distance, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or look at you.”

Read the last phrase of that quote again.  What kind of sexual culture do we tolerate that brings young women to believe such a statement?

The true evil revealed by the celebrity hacking scandal is that our culture believes men must satisfy their sexual desires in any way possible.  Since they must, they will.  And since they will, they may as well find that satisfaction in “appropriate” ways.  This perspective absolves men of any responsibility for their own behavior, and it cheapens human sexuality, which God intends for higher purposes than satisfaction of impulses.

Either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or look at you?  Why do we assume that he has to look at all?  Is there no other way?  Is there no better way?

It is time for us to stop believing the lie that “boys will be boys.”  It is time for us to reject the ideas that viewing pornography is natural, that the female body is meant to be seen indiscriminately, and that women must do whatever it takes to satisfy their boyfriends’ sexual desires.  It is time for us to call men (and women) to exercise self-control.

I understand where Jennifer Lawrence and her boyfriend are coming from.  I am a 34-year-old man who has been married for nine years.  Tara and I did the long-distance dating thing for two years before our wedding.  We know that self-control is possible.  And self-control has led us into a healthy and safe relationship that will last our entire lives.

Women, keep your clothes on.  Put your cameras down.  If you believe that your boyfriends must choose between pornography and you, then both you and your boyfriends need to mature.

Men, stop viewing pornography.  Stop the online image searches.  Stop “reading” swimsuit magazines.  Stop asking your girlfriend to send naked selfies to you.  Stop supporting the many ways that our culture misuses the female body.  Learn the art of self-control.

I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.  For what is our lot from God above, our heritage from the Almighty on high?  Is it not ruin for the wicked, disaster for those who do wrong?  Does he not see my ways and count my every step? (Job 31:1-4 NIV)

Outreach How-To: Listen Twice, Speak Once

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry… (James 1:19 NIV)

To answer before listening — that is folly and shame. (Proverbs 18:13 NIV)

God gave you two ears but only one mouth because he wants you to listen twice as much as you talk. (anonymous)

You know the sayings: listen before you respond, think before you speak, avoid jumping to conclusions.  It is hard but important to do; listening well can help us resolve conflicts before they begin, communicate effectively and meaningfully, and keep our minds open to other peoples’ ideas.

So why do we struggle to listen to others so frequently, both at home and in public?  Why are we so quick to speak and slow to listen?

Surely you know what this is like.  Often I will react to something my wife says, or to something that another customer says or does at the grocery store, without thinking about what I choose to say first.  There is so much more wisdom in simply slowing down, thinking and praying quietly, and then responding carefully.  Arguments and wars and tragedies, great and small, can be avoided.

Can you imagine what would happen if Israelis and Palestinians listened to each other’s desires and viewpoints – I mean, really heard each other?

Can you imagine what would happen if Darren Wilson had listened to Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri the other weekend?  What if Michael Brown had listened to Darren Wilson?

Can you imagine a political debate in which the opponents actually listened and responded to each other instead of giving us pre-cooked sound bites? (No, I can’t either – but I can dream!)

Listening is so important to human communication and to society in general.  How can this simple idea influence the church’s outreach efforts?  I think the possibilities are endless:

  • When standing in a long line at the store, you listen to the conversations around you.  Then you realize you can offer an encouraging word to your neighbor.
  • When hearing someone describe their troubled home life, you listen carefully instead of explaining how your own home life is (or was) worse.
  • When inviting someone to church, you listen to her to discover her story.  Her story is valuable in itself, because she is a child of God.  Then, humbly and compassionately, you explain why you think worshiping Jesus might make a difference for her.
  • When a guest visits church and tells you that he works at a local restaurant, you learn his hours and eat at that restaurant when he is there.  (And you leave a generous tip.)

The key idea to listening as an outreach device is the concept of caring.  If you really care about people, you will listen to them carefully and orient your life around their responses.  This is, I believe, one of the messages buried within the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37).

And the second key to listening is a challenge for me personally:  responding appropriately.  God gave you two ears, yes; but he also gave you one mouth.  Listen to others, show your concern for them, but remember that your own words can have tremendous influence – for good or for ill – in the lives of those around you.

We are called to reach out to others for the sake of Christ.  Listen to your neighbors as you do so!

Fruit of the Spirit: Peace

Jeremiah 29:1-9 is an ancient letter encouraging Israelites in exile to settle down peacefully and not to revolt against the Babylonians, their captors.  God wants us to pray for and work toward peace, even for our enemies.  How does this apply to the present day?  Listen in to Pastor David’s message on this passage.

Listen now!

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It’s Complicated

Hobby Lobby.  Contraception.  Health care reform.  Abortion.  The death penalty.  Welfare.  Wars.  Drones.  Prayer in schools.  Gun control.  Gay marriage.

Do I have your attention yet?

Chances are, you have strong opinions about the above topics, which have been at the forefront of public conversation in recent days and months.  Is there a “correct” Christian perspective on these issues?  Is it possible that well-meaning followers of Jesus can have differing opinions?  How should we vote, speak out, or defend our beliefs?

We live in a time of increased polarization within our country and around the world.  Republicans and Democrats in the US are being pulled toward their ideological extremes.  Sunnis and Shiites in the Middle East are engaging in bloody conflicts against each other.  Conservative and liberal Christians are separating from each other in congregational life, public discussion, and even geographical location.

When it comes to any of the issues that divide us, I too have my own opinions.  I believe some stances are morally appropriate, and others aren’t.  But I also believe in a more important truth, one that guides my conversations with people about these issues:

It’s complicated.

Should Hobby Lobby be required to provide its employees with full insurance coverage for contraceptives?  Regardless of whether you say “yes” or “no,” the truth is that it’s complicated.

Should our nation legalize same-sex marriage, or use drones to eliminate enemies in other nations, or pass tighter gun control laws?  It’s complicated.

These issues are complicated because they impact different people in different ways.  They are complicated because my opinions, wisdom, and experiences on any given topic do not equal the sum total of all people’s opinions, wisdom, and experiences on that topic.  They are complicated because life is complicated.  The world is not black and white (there are many different shades!); Christianity cannot be boiled down to heaven or hell (there’s so much more to faith than that!); ethical questions do not always have nice, clean answers.

Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap [Jesus] in his words.  They sent their disciples to him along with the Herodians.  “Teacher,” they said, “we know that you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth.  You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are.  Tell us then, what is your opinion?  Is it right to pay the imperial tax to Caesar or not?”  But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me?  Show me the coin used for paying the tax.”  They brought him a denarius, and he asked them, “Whose image is this?  And whose inscription?”  “Caesar’s,” they replied.  Then he said to them, “So give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”  When they heard this, they were amazed.  So they left him and went away. (Matthew 22:15-22 NIV)

Should the ancient Jews pay their required taxes to Caesar, whose Roman Empire occupied their God-given inheritance?  Or should they revolt against Rome and trust God for the victory?  (Historical note: the Jews tried the latter, and their revolt ended in Rome’s utter destruction of the capital city Jerusalem in AD 70.)

In this passage, Jesus proclaims an astounding truth:  the kingdom of God is not the kingdom of this world.  And we are to be citizens of God’s kingdom – even while we live as citizens of this world.

In short, life is supposed to be complicated.

So build your opinions about Hobby Lobby and gay marriage and gun control, and be sure your opinions are founded in the truth of scripture.  But listen carefully to the opinions of those who disagree with you, especially when their opinions are founded in scripture as well.  Listen to the stories of those affected by major current events, and tell your story faithfully also.

And always give to God what is God’s – even your very life – as complicated as that is to do.

Jesus and the World Cup

The World Cup is an amazing event, in which representatives from dozens of countries compete in soccer, the world’s most popular sport, in order to earn the title “best in the world.”  That recognition will go down in sports history, and the winning team will be on top of the world until the next World Cup is held in four years.

What lessons can we learn from this event?  Consider these ideas:

People can unite around common interests.  Of course, national pride is tremendously strong at World Cup time.  We all hope our home country wins its next match, if not its group and the entire tournament as well.  However, I am amazed how so many millions (and billions!) of people around the world can be “tuned in” to this event, either literally or metaphorically.  For all their differences, many of the world’s people have something in common:  love of football.

  • For Christians to consider:  Can you imagine what church would be like if we focused on what we have in common, rather than on what divides us?  I am thinking about groups of denominations, individual congregations, and even friends and neighbors.  What if we were to “tune in” to our common faith in Jesus Christ and work together for the peaceful expansion of the kingdom of God in this world?

People can become excited about meaningful things.  A soccer game is ninety minutes long, and some people find that to be far too long to be interesting.  But did you see that goal from thirty meters? that beautiful corner kick? that perfect header? that successful penalty kick?  When something takes place that impacts the course of the game, people watch closely and become involved.

  • For Christians to consider:  We believe that Jesus is the most interesting thing in the universe.  But somehow our church gatherings tend to become mundane, routine, and just plain boring – for guests, for young people, and sometimes for well-seasoned adults!  What makes our gatherings meaningful for you?  How can we best communicate that meaning to others?  How are we transformed and energized by our regular encounter with God through corporate worship?

Major problems can be swept under the rug.  Surely you have heard about the financial cost incurred by Brazil as they prepared to host this year’s World Cup.  You probably have heard complaints from Brazilians that so much money is being spent on a one-time event, but so much need exists and persists in local communities near the new stadium venues.  Maybe you know about the working conditions of construction, food-service, and hospitality workers in Brazil.  But when the game comes on your TV, do you remember the many issues going on behind the scenes?

  • For Christians to consider:  Churches are notorious for hiding their problems from everyone – visitors and members alike.  We smile at each other on Sunday morning, ask “How are you?” expecting a pleasant response, and mask past conflicts and divisions.  We talk behind each other’s backs.  We question others’ motives.  We find fault and spread it privately.  But we shake the hands of visitors and invite them to come back; we pretend to be a united congregation; we hope the pastor (or time) will fix the problems.  What if we did not hide our faults but accepted our responsibility for their existence?  What if we ran toward Christ together instead of away from conflict separately?  What if our gatherings were marked by stark honesty before the Lord, true unity through faith in Jesus, and holiness of conversation by the power of the Holy Spirit?

What do you think?

Pastor David